Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
