We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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