Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
