Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
