i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
