and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
