You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
