I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ladies don't puke and tell
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
