My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I didn't notice because vodka
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
