saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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