Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
