Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
