are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
