There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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