how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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