the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
