So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It all started with a game of naked twister.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
