first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
