True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
