do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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