We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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