When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
