how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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