This dress was meant to end up on your floor
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
