Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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