ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
