I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
