im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
