Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
