A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
