I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
