I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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