that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
