I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
