no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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