I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
