Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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