I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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