Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
