On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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