i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
