I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
