We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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