Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
