Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
