I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
