i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
