Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
