nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
