gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
