Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
