we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
