Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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