what if every blade of grass was a penis?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
