Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
