My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
