My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
