so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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