i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
