I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
