he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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