I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
