we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
