so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
