put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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