Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
