My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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