who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
