no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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