the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
