my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
