I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
