so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
