Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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