i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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